Sunday, 11 September 2011
I've let myself down.
The second time I've taken these photos, and I'm not any happier, well why would I be? I've only lost 2kg since the last ones I took. I feel completely unattractive, and I don't see how my fiance could find me beautiful or attractive. I have a bajillion stretch marks (pregnancy related), multiple flabby areas and a muffin top something chronic. I know I'm the one to blame. But now I'm getting fear thoughts into my head. Afraid that I won't be able to do this, that I'll keep eating the same crap I do, that I won't have the self-control/discipline to stick to the program. The other half is supportive, no doubt about that, but I've just self sabotaged so many times, that I'm afraid I'll do it again. I think I'm just having some last minute jitters before the program officially starts tomorrow.
Went to Underwater World with the kids yesterday, and had a photo taken with them ... I hate it. I can't even stand to look at it, it's just plain embarrassing.
Whilst I do have these sudden fears and self-doubts in my mind, the photos have given me a kick up the bum. I don't want to fear going out because of the way I currently look, I want to look and feel good and that means working for it. Sitting on my arse (excuse the language), isn't going to do jack.
On another note ... the fridge is stocked with yummy healthy foods, and I've completed my fitness test. The result? I've just managed to get into the intermediate category. And I mean JUST! So I now have a new goal. This goal is to be comfortably and well into the intermediate category by the time the 4 week fitness test comes around.