While I was driving to work, to my night shift on Friday night, I found myself feeling overwhelmingly anxious. The all too familiar thoughts of "I'm going to fail," ... "I'm stuffing myself full of crap," ... "I'm too tired..." etc. etc. were running through my head. I could see myself setting myself up to fail, by having slacked off on my exercise, having slacked off on the cooking and began returning to buying takeout, though trying my best to get healthier options, it wasn't good enough.
Also eating a small takeout tub of cold rock ice cream, and drinking 1L of V on Saturday and again on Sunday.
Old habits were wriggling their way back in. And something snapped inside me ... I thought "What the hell am I doing? I made a committment, so I should stick with it!" I made the decision then and there to cut the crap, cut the excuses, no more justifying excuses. I didn't have anything to gain by slacking off ... I wouldn't get to where I want to get, but I knew at that moment I can do it! And I WILL do it!! I have renewed my committment to reach my goals, and to kick it up a notch! I KNOW I can do it!!!!
Monday, 2 July 2012
Thursday, 21 June 2012
1st red flag day... not quite busted
Yesterday was my first 'red flag' day ... it was my 24th (almost wrote 21st haha), birthday. It was mostly an ordinary day .. too low on cash to really do anything, but being my birthday of course I wanted a bit of a treat. I blame my polar FT4 >_< Displaying a birthday cake. It put the inkling thought into my head and well later I said I'd really like some cake .. and we bought a strawberry fields torte from the cheesecake shop BUT we only bought a HALF one, rather than the usual full one, so that at least helped stop constantly nibbling at cake. I was satisfied with my one piece of cake and again actually felt kind of sickly after having eaten it.
I do feel somewhat guilty though, as the scales yesterday morning reflected a 100g gain and no loss, and yet I still chose to have cake. I still had a good work out though, burning 320 calories. But that doesn't really justify it either. I guess this is my head trying to rationalise all my choices to somehow make it seem ok. But really it's not ... it's just another excuse.
I do feel somewhat guilty though, as the scales yesterday morning reflected a 100g gain and no loss, and yet I still chose to have cake. I still had a good work out though, burning 320 calories. But that doesn't really justify it either. I guess this is my head trying to rationalise all my choices to somehow make it seem ok. But really it's not ... it's just another excuse.
Tuesday, 19 June 2012
Take-away cravings
Today I was hardcore craving this:
But I didn't cave in!! Luckily tonight on the menu for me was Thai Chicken Burgers, which tasted yummy and definitely aren't as fatty.
After reading through the calorie counting book a few days ago, I was put off take-away, merely for the fact that when I added up what I would eat, it came to 1700 calories! Which is more than my daily intake! Usually on a typical night when we would buy take-away, it would be the $25 McDonalds favourites dinner, which includes:
- 2 Big Macs - 2 Quarter Pounders - 2 Medium Fries - 2 Small Fries - 6 nuggets - 4 Medium Cokes
Out of this list, I would have 2 of the cokes, one of the medium fries and 1 big mac and 1 quarter pounder. It makes me sick thinking of it now, and am glad I haven't eaten a single ounce of fatty take-away over the last 2-3 weeks. Definitely an improvement from having take-away 2-4 times per week, just because it was convienient and didn't require cooking. Laziness in other words.
But I didn't cave in!! Luckily tonight on the menu for me was Thai Chicken Burgers, which tasted yummy and definitely aren't as fatty.
After reading through the calorie counting book a few days ago, I was put off take-away, merely for the fact that when I added up what I would eat, it came to 1700 calories! Which is more than my daily intake! Usually on a typical night when we would buy take-away, it would be the $25 McDonalds favourites dinner, which includes:
- 2 Big Macs - 2 Quarter Pounders - 2 Medium Fries - 2 Small Fries - 6 nuggets - 4 Medium Cokes
Out of this list, I would have 2 of the cokes, one of the medium fries and 1 big mac and 1 quarter pounder. It makes me sick thinking of it now, and am glad I haven't eaten a single ounce of fatty take-away over the last 2-3 weeks. Definitely an improvement from having take-away 2-4 times per week, just because it was convienient and didn't require cooking. Laziness in other words.
Monday, 18 June 2012
Evil temptations
Easing into week 3 of the challenge now and cracks are starting to show. I thought the first week and a half were a breeze, I was eating well, working out every day, lost 2.4kg and my skin had started to clear up, I was feeling STRONG!! But the I met with an amazing bunch of 12WBT girls for coffee, and had an amazing time, but I also gave into having a piece of cheesecake - excuse there? It was mostly for Miss 3, yet I ended up eating most of it. Whilst I did learn that day that it's OK to have a treat now and again (a very indulgent one at that!!), I wasn't yet strong enough to be able to handle one, and that's where I began to slip in Week 2.
Week 2 saw me having a croissant for breakfast 2 days in a row, having meals late/skipping meals, missing a workout mid week and just basically feeling bloated and somewhat disheartened. Though despite all of this I did still manage to lose 1.7kg. Lost some cms of my chest and waist, though brought down by the fact that I lost nothing off my thighs. It brought to my attention that again, I really do focus on the negative way too much ... there were many positives, yet I focus on the 'no loss here', my failures ... and that in a way scares me. I don't want to be that negative person, I want to be able to feel confident and accept both the negative and the positive and take it in my stride.
Oooh another positive - I managed TWO weeks of ZERO and I mean absolutely ZERO caffeine, no V, coffee, tea, coke (actually no soft drink at all), and no anything else that may contain caffeine. The biggest one for me in that list is V though. Pre the program I was drinking 3 to 5 of the 500ml cans PER DAY! That's about 300g of sugar!!! Definitely not good, and I don't think it was making me feel great either, as I wasn't drinking any water at all. For the past 2 weeks, all I have drunk is water, water and more water, and then some milk or Jarrah hot chocolate. I had tried to go cold turkey off V before, but was plagued with horrible headaches, and an inability to concentrate at work, so lwo and behold I began drinking it again more than ever. This time though I think because I am eating well and exercising, I haven't had a single headache.
Today I figured I'd been doing so well with no caffeine, I'd treat myself to a small can of V. And I am actually quite proud to say, that as I opened it an had a sip, I found I actually had no desire to keep drinking it, or at least scull it down like I used to. Where once a 250ml can would be gone in less than a minute, it took me about 20-30mins to finish. I was able to enjoy it and didn't feel like I wanted more. So I think I have completed a milestone for me there and have beaten my addiction.
Bootcamp last Saturday just gone with the girls was fun, and I can't wait to do it again this Saturday! It definitely helps having that support group there, with those that have been where I am, and understand what kind of mindspace I can get into. It makes me more determined to continue and finish my journey. I am working on getting stricter again on my food intake and exercise, so that I will succeed and not set my self up for failure.
In saying that ... it's now workout time!
Week 2 saw me having a croissant for breakfast 2 days in a row, having meals late/skipping meals, missing a workout mid week and just basically feeling bloated and somewhat disheartened. Though despite all of this I did still manage to lose 1.7kg. Lost some cms of my chest and waist, though brought down by the fact that I lost nothing off my thighs. It brought to my attention that again, I really do focus on the negative way too much ... there were many positives, yet I focus on the 'no loss here', my failures ... and that in a way scares me. I don't want to be that negative person, I want to be able to feel confident and accept both the negative and the positive and take it in my stride.
Oooh another positive - I managed TWO weeks of ZERO and I mean absolutely ZERO caffeine, no V, coffee, tea, coke (actually no soft drink at all), and no anything else that may contain caffeine. The biggest one for me in that list is V though. Pre the program I was drinking 3 to 5 of the 500ml cans PER DAY! That's about 300g of sugar!!! Definitely not good, and I don't think it was making me feel great either, as I wasn't drinking any water at all. For the past 2 weeks, all I have drunk is water, water and more water, and then some milk or Jarrah hot chocolate. I had tried to go cold turkey off V before, but was plagued with horrible headaches, and an inability to concentrate at work, so lwo and behold I began drinking it again more than ever. This time though I think because I am eating well and exercising, I haven't had a single headache.
Today I figured I'd been doing so well with no caffeine, I'd treat myself to a small can of V. And I am actually quite proud to say, that as I opened it an had a sip, I found I actually had no desire to keep drinking it, or at least scull it down like I used to. Where once a 250ml can would be gone in less than a minute, it took me about 20-30mins to finish. I was able to enjoy it and didn't feel like I wanted more. So I think I have completed a milestone for me there and have beaten my addiction.
Bootcamp last Saturday just gone with the girls was fun, and I can't wait to do it again this Saturday! It definitely helps having that support group there, with those that have been where I am, and understand what kind of mindspace I can get into. It makes me more determined to continue and finish my journey. I am working on getting stricter again on my food intake and exercise, so that I will succeed and not set my self up for failure.
In saying that ... it's now workout time!
Monday, 4 June 2012
Week 1 Kick off!!!
Kicked off today with a BLAST!!! Came home from my nightshift at 8am, but I was good and had breakfast before I left work! Had a sleep until about 1:30pm, then had lunch followed by walking to my son's school and back, which is a 4.4km round trip. That started my work out off. Finished my work out with my ab work and boy am I feeling the pain!! Tomorrow is going to kill!! But I'm not going to let it hold me back from doing my work out!
Feeling good having had good foods and drinking lots of water. I'm feeling hungry at the right times, as in when it's time for my next meal or snack, which means that the food is carrying me through. Hopefully I see a little result on the scales on Wednesday!
I'm planning over the next week to scour the internet for motivational posters/pictures, and make up some of my own memos and reminders that I can post on the fridge, in the study, in the bedroom, etc. I want to do it right this time and that means giving it my all and listening to each and every suggestion.
I do still have a giant fear of failing though, which I am working on pulling out of my head and fill it with confidence to succeed instead. I seriously think too negatively too often and my fiancee tells me that too, that I need to stop thinking so negatively, think of postive things, and well there's another goal to add to my list! "Be able to think POSITIVELY!"
Signing off now, going to finish cooking 'Nat's Lasagne', looking forward to eating it!!
Feeling good having had good foods and drinking lots of water. I'm feeling hungry at the right times, as in when it's time for my next meal or snack, which means that the food is carrying me through. Hopefully I see a little result on the scales on Wednesday!
I'm planning over the next week to scour the internet for motivational posters/pictures, and make up some of my own memos and reminders that I can post on the fridge, in the study, in the bedroom, etc. I want to do it right this time and that means giving it my all and listening to each and every suggestion.
I do still have a giant fear of failing though, which I am working on pulling out of my head and fill it with confidence to succeed instead. I seriously think too negatively too often and my fiancee tells me that too, that I need to stop thinking so negatively, think of postive things, and well there's another goal to add to my list! "Be able to think POSITIVELY!"
Signing off now, going to finish cooking 'Nat's Lasagne', looking forward to eating it!!
Sunday, 3 June 2012
What the hell happened?
Well where the hell did all that motivation and what not go from my last few posts when I joined for Round 3 of the 12wbt in 2011? I know I fell off the rails BIG time!!! I think I just became so overwhelmed with work, and home life that I just let it all go. It's a bad excuse I know!!
So what brought me back this year to Round 2?? Well,
1. I'm 2kg heavier than what I was when I started in Round 3 last year, so now sitting @ 107kg, now officially my heaviest weight yet.
2. I had a friend post on facebook asking if the Michelle Bridges 12WBT was worth it, and well I told her it was, even though I never followed through with it and told her to join, yet I didn't myself.
3. Over the weeks I kept pondering and JFDI kept popping up in my head, yet still I procrastinated, then I kept hearing Michelle's voice on the radio say "Change your life forever, now! Just F***ing Do It! What are you waiting for?!" and I thought well it must be a sign! And well What was I waiting for? The weight to magically disappear and be thin and pretty overnight? Yeah only in my dreams!!!
So here I am, with the support of my fiancee (who is doing it with me, although not officially signed up) and going to give it my all. I think my mindset is better this time, I still have the lessons I learned last time in my head and now I am going to build on those and make them STICK!!!!!
I am sick and tired of being depressed and trying to hide. I want to be the confident happy person that I was 5 years ago. I realised today I haven't changed my facebook cover photo in 5 years. That's a long time. In that picture I am approximately 35kg lighter than what I am now. I came to the realisation that it shows how ashamed I am of myself, to show the world who I am now, I don't WANT the world to see me as I am now, I HATE HATE HATE me.
So here's to JFDI and to a NEW me, that WILL succeed at ALL costs!!!
So what brought me back this year to Round 2?? Well,
1. I'm 2kg heavier than what I was when I started in Round 3 last year, so now sitting @ 107kg, now officially my heaviest weight yet.
2. I had a friend post on facebook asking if the Michelle Bridges 12WBT was worth it, and well I told her it was, even though I never followed through with it and told her to join, yet I didn't myself.
3. Over the weeks I kept pondering and JFDI kept popping up in my head, yet still I procrastinated, then I kept hearing Michelle's voice on the radio say "Change your life forever, now! Just F***ing Do It! What are you waiting for?!" and I thought well it must be a sign! And well What was I waiting for? The weight to magically disappear and be thin and pretty overnight? Yeah only in my dreams!!!
So here I am, with the support of my fiancee (who is doing it with me, although not officially signed up) and going to give it my all. I think my mindset is better this time, I still have the lessons I learned last time in my head and now I am going to build on those and make them STICK!!!!!
I am sick and tired of being depressed and trying to hide. I want to be the confident happy person that I was 5 years ago. I realised today I haven't changed my facebook cover photo in 5 years. That's a long time. In that picture I am approximately 35kg lighter than what I am now. I came to the realisation that it shows how ashamed I am of myself, to show the world who I am now, I don't WANT the world to see me as I am now, I HATE HATE HATE me.
So here's to JFDI and to a NEW me, that WILL succeed at ALL costs!!!
Friday, 23 September 2011
what happened to me?
Week 2 has been a struggle ... I don't know why ... I can honestly not give you an exact answer, why I have basically done nothing (mostly in terms of exercise), except for Monday when I was sick. Exhaustion? Lack of planning? Motivation? I'm not happy about it and have no excuse for it. I want to succeed, so why am I sabotaging?
I did find that after week one I was sore and exhausted, not really so much from the exercise, but working. It was the first busy week I had at work, and now that I am a Registered Nurse and no longer a student nurse, I am coming to see how truly exhausting and draining the work can be, especially because responsibilities are increased 10 fold. So maybe I've just spent week 2, winding down? I know what I'm doing here ... I'm trying to justify to myself and everyone else as to why I haven't exercised and my food has been OK but not at the standard it should be. It's an excuse. And really I need to get my act together if I want to succeed. But right now I just can't find that push within myself to drag myself to the gym or outside for a walk/run. Help me find it!!!
Now I got the pen and paper out and re-planning. Planning each meal - mixing around things I do/don't like. Making sure I pack that bloody gym back. I've also decided that rather than doing shopping on Thursday when the new shopping list comes out, I think it may be better to do it on Saturday or Sunday, that way I don't end up wasting food that is meant to be used later in the week, because it's gone off. Currently I think there's maybe $10-20 worth of food in my fridge that I can probably chuck out, not only because my diet hasn't been optimal this week, but also because I bought them too early. The biggest one is any form of leaf - spinach, rocket, lettuce, etc. I guess with the food and shopping, it's a bit of a play around, that maybe somethings need to be bought at different times in the week in order for them to be at their freshest, and not to overstock or understock. Though understocking would be better, as can always go out and buy more.
Either way I need to have a kick up the bum and get back into this, otherwise I'm not only wasting my time, I'm wasting Mish's time, my money, and just cheating myself.
I did find that after week one I was sore and exhausted, not really so much from the exercise, but working. It was the first busy week I had at work, and now that I am a Registered Nurse and no longer a student nurse, I am coming to see how truly exhausting and draining the work can be, especially because responsibilities are increased 10 fold. So maybe I've just spent week 2, winding down? I know what I'm doing here ... I'm trying to justify to myself and everyone else as to why I haven't exercised and my food has been OK but not at the standard it should be. It's an excuse. And really I need to get my act together if I want to succeed. But right now I just can't find that push within myself to drag myself to the gym or outside for a walk/run. Help me find it!!!
Now I got the pen and paper out and re-planning. Planning each meal - mixing around things I do/don't like. Making sure I pack that bloody gym back. I've also decided that rather than doing shopping on Thursday when the new shopping list comes out, I think it may be better to do it on Saturday or Sunday, that way I don't end up wasting food that is meant to be used later in the week, because it's gone off. Currently I think there's maybe $10-20 worth of food in my fridge that I can probably chuck out, not only because my diet hasn't been optimal this week, but also because I bought them too early. The biggest one is any form of leaf - spinach, rocket, lettuce, etc. I guess with the food and shopping, it's a bit of a play around, that maybe somethings need to be bought at different times in the week in order for them to be at their freshest, and not to overstock or understock. Though understocking would be better, as can always go out and buy more.
Either way I need to have a kick up the bum and get back into this, otherwise I'm not only wasting my time, I'm wasting Mish's time, my money, and just cheating myself.
Monday, 19 September 2011
just like a golden rough
This first week has been pretty good, with some rough patches. Day 1 started off well, apart from I didn't get my workout in. I was all ready and dressed for the gym, and then poor hubby was really really sick, vomiting, so was unable to watch the kids and I had to look after him too. The next few days went well, I ate good, went to work and did my workouts and managed to burn 500+ calories each day.
My first boxing session after 4 months of no gym was VERY intense. And I believe I may have over done it, as I had to lay down 10mins before the end of the class as I felt I was going to pass out, and ripped off my heart rate monitor @ 490cals burnt, as it was feeling tight around my chest.
V is still a big problem for me ... I'm addicted, and it's hard to go cold turkey. It was easier for me to quit SMOKING .. how sad is that? Although I have cut down a bit. The weekend treat meal, I chose bad as well ... went for KFC .. it was an overindulgence treat and I felt like crap after eating it, so next time I'm going to go for subway or sushi, just something that doesn't make me feel like crap. Good choices! Get it stuck in my head!!!
Week 2 day one is today, and it's off to a bad start. I woke up started getting ready for work, and I just felt like absolute crap, feeling exhausted and felt like I was going to vomit. I haven't vomited ... but have spent a decent amount of time running to the toilet for other business (sorry TMI). Slept a lot of today too, and just can't bring myself to eat anything. Had a protein shake and two slices of vienna bread with ham, which was hard to stomach. So I won't be working out today either, just don't feel like I can handle it. But tomorrow, pending how I feel I'm getting straight back into it, and keeping my plan on track.
My first boxing session after 4 months of no gym was VERY intense. And I believe I may have over done it, as I had to lay down 10mins before the end of the class as I felt I was going to pass out, and ripped off my heart rate monitor @ 490cals burnt, as it was feeling tight around my chest.
V is still a big problem for me ... I'm addicted, and it's hard to go cold turkey. It was easier for me to quit SMOKING .. how sad is that? Although I have cut down a bit. The weekend treat meal, I chose bad as well ... went for KFC .. it was an overindulgence treat and I felt like crap after eating it, so next time I'm going to go for subway or sushi, just something that doesn't make me feel like crap. Good choices! Get it stuck in my head!!!
Week 2 day one is today, and it's off to a bad start. I woke up started getting ready for work, and I just felt like absolute crap, feeling exhausted and felt like I was going to vomit. I haven't vomited ... but have spent a decent amount of time running to the toilet for other business (sorry TMI). Slept a lot of today too, and just can't bring myself to eat anything. Had a protein shake and two slices of vienna bread with ham, which was hard to stomach. So I won't be working out today either, just don't feel like I can handle it. But tomorrow, pending how I feel I'm getting straight back into it, and keeping my plan on track.
Sunday, 11 September 2011
I've let myself down.
The second time I've taken these photos, and I'm not any happier, well why would I be? I've only lost 2kg since the last ones I took. I feel completely unattractive, and I don't see how my fiance could find me beautiful or attractive. I have a bajillion stretch marks (pregnancy related), multiple flabby areas and a muffin top something chronic. I know I'm the one to blame. But now I'm getting fear thoughts into my head. Afraid that I won't be able to do this, that I'll keep eating the same crap I do, that I won't have the self-control/discipline to stick to the program. The other half is supportive, no doubt about that, but I've just self sabotaged so many times, that I'm afraid I'll do it again. I think I'm just having some last minute jitters before the program officially starts tomorrow.
Went to Underwater World with the kids yesterday, and had a photo taken with them ... I hate it. I can't even stand to look at it, it's just plain embarrassing.
Whilst I do have these sudden fears and self-doubts in my mind, the photos have given me a kick up the bum. I don't want to fear going out because of the way I currently look, I want to look and feel good and that means working for it. Sitting on my arse (excuse the language), isn't going to do jack.
On another note ... the fridge is stocked with yummy healthy foods, and I've completed my fitness test. The result? I've just managed to get into the intermediate category. And I mean JUST! So I now have a new goal. This goal is to be comfortably and well into the intermediate category by the time the 4 week fitness test comes around.
Friday, 9 September 2011
Task #8 / Week 1
Been a busy week with work orientation, and also due to not having all the required materials, I haven't yet completed task #8, but will have by the end of the weekend. I'm buying some new scales, pretty Tanita ones, and following that will take all my measurements, as well as new before photos.
Fitness test completed last night, and I'm only JUST on an intermediate level, although I know that after a week of exercise and getting back into it, I will be sitting there comfortably.
Shopping for week 1 is also done! Expensive, but it looked really healthy! Will also be trying some new things for the first time, scary stuff! Went to make a banana smoothie this morning, only to find that I have no idea where the lid to my blender is :( *Cries*, so for me it's an excuse to buy a NEW glass blender hehe (at least it's a GOOD excuse not a BAD one!!
Fitness test completed last night, and I'm only JUST on an intermediate level, although I know that after a week of exercise and getting back into it, I will be sitting there comfortably.
Shopping for week 1 is also done! Expensive, but it looked really healthy! Will also be trying some new things for the first time, scary stuff! Went to make a banana smoothie this morning, only to find that I have no idea where the lid to my blender is :( *Cries*, so for me it's an excuse to buy a NEW glass blender hehe (at least it's a GOOD excuse not a BAD one!!
Sunday, 4 September 2011
Only one more week to go!!!!
So woke up this morning to find Task #7 available to us. To "Organise and Diarise". Getting pretty exciting now!! Only one more week to go until the official round kicks off! Whilst I haven't exercised much over the last 3 weeks, I do fully intend and commit to beginning my 6 days a week exercise regime once the round kicks off. Also in this last week I have a couple of 'red flag' days, Father's Day x3 (my fiance, my Dad and my fiance's Dad), my fiance's birthday, his PoP's birthday, and then visiting his family up the Sunshine Coast, which we always drink at, but it's been about a year since we've been there, and I rarely drink anymore anyways (is that an excuse I hear?!)
I'm enjoying shopping now. I love seeing the trolley full of healthy stuff when reaching the till, rather than seeing nothing but processed, packaged crap/junk. It makes me feel good and look forward to cooking!
Planning will be somewhat difficult for me, especially as I am a shift worker. My roster is received fortnightly, unlike most other staff within my workplace, who receive theirs monthly. But it's OK, I can work with that. Basically my planning will consist of exercising in morning before work/after dropping kids off or in the afternoon after work/before picking kids up or if pushed for time, my fiance can pick up the kids and I'll go for my workout, but I intend not to miss a single one! Also we'll be able to plan who cooks when (we generally take turns as we both don't like cooking), and plan a big cookout day for preparing frozen meals for during the week and what not. So yeh I have the plan in my head so far, in how I HOPE it is going to work out, now just hoping it works out like this realistically and I guess that is where the diary comes in. Biggest thing will be planning around sudden changes, as they do happen.
Well I'm excited, and got my diary out to start planning! YAY! Oh AND I'm also doing my registration for the Rio Tinto Ride to Conquer Cancer this week, to join my buddy Alysha on her team next year! Can't wait!!
I'm enjoying shopping now. I love seeing the trolley full of healthy stuff when reaching the till, rather than seeing nothing but processed, packaged crap/junk. It makes me feel good and look forward to cooking!
Planning will be somewhat difficult for me, especially as I am a shift worker. My roster is received fortnightly, unlike most other staff within my workplace, who receive theirs monthly. But it's OK, I can work with that. Basically my planning will consist of exercising in morning before work/after dropping kids off or in the afternoon after work/before picking kids up or if pushed for time, my fiance can pick up the kids and I'll go for my workout, but I intend not to miss a single one! Also we'll be able to plan who cooks when (we generally take turns as we both don't like cooking), and plan a big cookout day for preparing frozen meals for during the week and what not. So yeh I have the plan in my head so far, in how I HOPE it is going to work out, now just hoping it works out like this realistically and I guess that is where the diary comes in. Biggest thing will be planning around sudden changes, as they do happen.
Well I'm excited, and got my diary out to start planning! YAY! Oh AND I'm also doing my registration for the Rio Tinto Ride to Conquer Cancer this week, to join my buddy Alysha on her team next year! Can't wait!!
Wednesday, 31 August 2011
what a week
So finished my first week of work, been very tired and admittedly not all that great on the food, but doing the best I can .. well hasn't really been the best, more so laziness.
Shopping this week has been a good one though, bought lots of fresh fruit and vegies and even bought some kangaroo sausages to give that a go - fingers crossed they taste OK!!! After shopping I chopped up lots of fruit: Honeydew melon, watermelon, pineapple, strawberries, apples, oranges and kiwi fruit (bananas weren't ripe yet)and made a big bowl of fruit salad. Following that I divided it up into 4 containers, which then serves as my morning tea at work for 4 days, yay money saving!! Also bought some more yoghurt and muesli to have for breakfast, as well as some UP&GOs, this way I can chop and change a bit, and also helps for when I'm in a rush or not.
Once I've got the eating under control, which I'm going to work really hard on the next couple of weeks, then I'll work on the exercise - which is DEFINITELY going to be happening once the challenge officially starts, I have NO EXCUSES!!
On another note ... today has been crappy. My feet are aching something chronic. Work was good until about 1pm then everything went to shit. And to top it off, when I returned to my car I had left the headlights on and had a flat battery. So hard to get someone to pull over and help!! But got a couple of nice people that finally helped, one lived across the road from where my car was and had 3 batteries to try, but all those were dead, so unfortunately no help, but the gesture was there :), and then got another nice person to pull over and got it working, so made it home at least!! Won't be forgetting to turn my lights off again in a hurry!!
Shopping this week has been a good one though, bought lots of fresh fruit and vegies and even bought some kangaroo sausages to give that a go - fingers crossed they taste OK!!! After shopping I chopped up lots of fruit: Honeydew melon, watermelon, pineapple, strawberries, apples, oranges and kiwi fruit (bananas weren't ripe yet)and made a big bowl of fruit salad. Following that I divided it up into 4 containers, which then serves as my morning tea at work for 4 days, yay money saving!! Also bought some more yoghurt and muesli to have for breakfast, as well as some UP&GOs, this way I can chop and change a bit, and also helps for when I'm in a rush or not.
Once I've got the eating under control, which I'm going to work really hard on the next couple of weeks, then I'll work on the exercise - which is DEFINITELY going to be happening once the challenge officially starts, I have NO EXCUSES!!
On another note ... today has been crappy. My feet are aching something chronic. Work was good until about 1pm then everything went to shit. And to top it off, when I returned to my car I had left the headlights on and had a flat battery. So hard to get someone to pull over and help!! But got a couple of nice people that finally helped, one lived across the road from where my car was and had 3 batteries to try, but all those were dead, so unfortunately no help, but the gesture was there :), and then got another nice person to pull over and got it working, so made it home at least!! Won't be forgetting to turn my lights off again in a hurry!!
Thursday, 25 August 2011
1st day back at work
Had my first shift back at work today, was pretty exciting, hard getting out of student mode though!! Anyways in terms of food/exercise and what not, it's nice to be back into somewhat of a routine. Depending on my shifts, I'm more forced to have breaks between eating, and I'm not grazing like I do at home.
I haven't packed my lunch as of yet, but I've made good choices when buying. For my morning tea break this morning I bought a yoghurt and a fruit salad - and even in the canteen underneath the items it says "eat frequently". So even at work they're encouraging healthy eating! Though being in a hospital you'd wanna hope they do lol.
Trying to keep up my water intake too ... helps having a bottle to be able to refill over and over too :)
MY biggest weakness is still V though. I just can't seem to bring myself to lessen my intake, I'm just addicted. And then I think well how much damage can a liquid really do anyways? Since I pee it out about 10 mins later anyway, and caffeine also gets me going in the other department >_< (sorry tmi lol). Excuses, excuses, excuses, I know :(
Yesterday I worked out (using my pretty new FT4) that jogging/walking around the block, I burn 116 calories and takes me about 10 minutes. So I'm aiming to work up to being able to jog/run the WHOLE block, I'm estimating it to be about 1km and hopefully burn MORE! But yes that requires some more fitness, and me to stop thinking in my head that everyone in their houses are looking at me going "OMG look at that fatty try and run!!" or "ROFL look at the jiggling fatso". Yup those are the things that run through my head and generally stop me from exercising outdoors.
I really need to work hard at getting all this negative mentality out of my head and look at the positives. That I am actually trying to do something to fix my weight.
On another note, in terms of goal setting I have set myself a big goal and that is to join my buddy Alysha in the Rio Tinto Ride to Conquer Cancer next year - a 240km bike ride that raises money towards cancer research and awareness. So got some big training ahead of me! I'm just glad it's a RIDE and not a RUN!! haha
I haven't packed my lunch as of yet, but I've made good choices when buying. For my morning tea break this morning I bought a yoghurt and a fruit salad - and even in the canteen underneath the items it says "eat frequently". So even at work they're encouraging healthy eating! Though being in a hospital you'd wanna hope they do lol.
Trying to keep up my water intake too ... helps having a bottle to be able to refill over and over too :)
MY biggest weakness is still V though. I just can't seem to bring myself to lessen my intake, I'm just addicted. And then I think well how much damage can a liquid really do anyways? Since I pee it out about 10 mins later anyway, and caffeine also gets me going in the other department >_< (sorry tmi lol). Excuses, excuses, excuses, I know :(
Yesterday I worked out (using my pretty new FT4) that jogging/walking around the block, I burn 116 calories and takes me about 10 minutes. So I'm aiming to work up to being able to jog/run the WHOLE block, I'm estimating it to be about 1km and hopefully burn MORE! But yes that requires some more fitness, and me to stop thinking in my head that everyone in their houses are looking at me going "OMG look at that fatty try and run!!" or "ROFL look at the jiggling fatso". Yup those are the things that run through my head and generally stop me from exercising outdoors.
I really need to work hard at getting all this negative mentality out of my head and look at the positives. That I am actually trying to do something to fix my weight.
On another note, in terms of goal setting I have set myself a big goal and that is to join my buddy Alysha in the Rio Tinto Ride to Conquer Cancer next year - a 240km bike ride that raises money towards cancer research and awareness. So got some big training ahead of me! I'm just glad it's a RIDE and not a RUN!! haha
Sunday, 21 August 2011
Crappity crap crap crap
Ok so this weekend turned out to be a bigger blow out than I'd hoped ... but it's my own fault, I can't exactly blame anyone else for what I put into my mouth.
Went to Sizzler for dinner on Friday night, food wise I did OKish ... dessert, yeh just think chocolate icecream, chocolate mousse, sprinkles and marshmallows :(. Then Saturday was my daughters 2nd birthday and here comes my BIGGEST excuse - "It's a celebration, it's OK", who am I trying to kid, honestly? Anyways, breakfast was good and healthy as was morning tea. Lunch was a BBQ + a slice of birthday cake. Dinner was non-existant, just had such a busy day, shopping and seeing family. Then had another slice of cake. Whilst had reasonable small slices ... it was still too much!!! I just still struggle to say no and I hate myself for it. I want to have that will power and self discipline to stick to what I need to!
I'm hoping that by returning to work tomorrow, I will have less time near food, as I will be forced to wait to eat, which did help last time I attempted to lose the weight seriously. Also returning to the gym next week. Have my Polar FT4 coming in the mail.
I am serious about this program and I am serious about losing the weight, but it's definitely going to be a major struggle. I've completed pre-season Task 3 this afternoon, writing and submitting my goals. Though I'm pretty sure I'll have some more goals to add to that list, once I can actually think (it's never easy thinking on the spot, even when you have TIME to think). Thinking for me generally pops up at the most random times. I could see/hear something and then it may lead me to think of something I would like to achieve, and this is how I believe I will add to my goals list.
I have my diary too, where I will do what Michelle says and calendarise my goals. So along with writing in my work shifts, I will see my goals that are coming up and be able to work harder to achieve those goals and hopefully maintain that motivation to do so.
I think right now I am still very much so in the mindset of making excuses, and I guess that's why these pre-season tasks are there for us, to help work through those. I now have no doubt in my mind that I will be revisiting these tasks regularly. I have some HARD HARD HARD work to do!
Went to Sizzler for dinner on Friday night, food wise I did OKish ... dessert, yeh just think chocolate icecream, chocolate mousse, sprinkles and marshmallows :(. Then Saturday was my daughters 2nd birthday and here comes my BIGGEST excuse - "It's a celebration, it's OK", who am I trying to kid, honestly? Anyways, breakfast was good and healthy as was morning tea. Lunch was a BBQ + a slice of birthday cake. Dinner was non-existant, just had such a busy day, shopping and seeing family. Then had another slice of cake. Whilst had reasonable small slices ... it was still too much!!! I just still struggle to say no and I hate myself for it. I want to have that will power and self discipline to stick to what I need to!
I'm hoping that by returning to work tomorrow, I will have less time near food, as I will be forced to wait to eat, which did help last time I attempted to lose the weight seriously. Also returning to the gym next week. Have my Polar FT4 coming in the mail.
I am serious about this program and I am serious about losing the weight, but it's definitely going to be a major struggle. I've completed pre-season Task 3 this afternoon, writing and submitting my goals. Though I'm pretty sure I'll have some more goals to add to that list, once I can actually think (it's never easy thinking on the spot, even when you have TIME to think). Thinking for me generally pops up at the most random times. I could see/hear something and then it may lead me to think of something I would like to achieve, and this is how I believe I will add to my goals list.
I have my diary too, where I will do what Michelle says and calendarise my goals. So along with writing in my work shifts, I will see my goals that are coming up and be able to work harder to achieve those goals and hopefully maintain that motivation to do so.
I think right now I am still very much so in the mindset of making excuses, and I guess that's why these pre-season tasks are there for us, to help work through those. I now have no doubt in my mind that I will be revisiting these tasks regularly. I have some HARD HARD HARD work to do!
Friday, 19 August 2011
Shopping :D
So this morning I did some shopping with my buddy Alysha <3.
The motivation behind my little shopping spree is the 12WBT, and it has definitely boosted the motivation I already have.
I got some new (more) gym clothes to work out in. A couple of new skirts (want to feel more feminine, as I just don't they way I am now, I feel frumpy and fat). I bought Michelle's Crunch Time cookbook .. have read it start to finish and I'm in love!! SO I'm thinking ... since going back to the shop this afternoon lol, of buying her Crunch Time book then lol.
Also I am going to order a Polar FT4 once the other half gets home. I was given a choice - the gaming mouse I want (I play World of Warcraft) which is $130 OR get the FT4 for $112 (discounted website price) ... so since my weight is more important to me, and I feel actually seeing how many calories I'm burning, will push me even further and hopefully allow me to see bigger number losses on the scales. And THAT reminds me that I also need to buy some new digital scales as my old ones broke - I could stand on them 6 times in a row and the number looking back would vary from 5-10kgs each time, broken much?
Currently I'm still riding high and feeling very excited, despite the fact that I haven't really done a lot of exercise since the pre-season started, the most I've done is the 2km walk/jog down at the athletics track. BUT what I HAVE done, is started to change my eating habits. I'm weighing out my snacks, I'm not constantly nibbling on something. Having breakfast everyday - yoghurt, muesli and strawberries. I finished the chocolate in the fridge, but where a row of 4 little blocks would usually be gone in a minute, I spread the last row over 2 days and then had one little piece in the afternoon and one late at night .. now the block is gone, NO MORE CHOCOLATE! I've still been drinking my V, but I'm aiming to cut that down too (It's soooooooo good though).
Next week my gym membership comes off hold, and also I start work, EEEP!! So crunch time is going to happen!!!
This weekend will be a bit of a splurge for me. I have my daughters 2nd Birthday tomorrow, so will have cake. But rather than a BIG BIG piece, I'll go much smaller. It's just so hard going cold turkey! I'm working on little steps at a time over the pre-season, to make it easier, but I guess I'm sort of making excuses too. Also I learned today that I actually like Honeydew Melon!!! I'm slowly aquiring better tastes, which is a good thing as I am generally a VERY VERY fussy eater. I basically never liked ANY vegetables, whereas now I can eat a fair few more than I used to. I loved watermelon back when I lived in Holland still, but as soon as we moved to Australia I just couldn't eat it anymore ... it took me 16 years to be able to eat it again! So I am making an improvement and I am trying my hardest to get myself to try new and different foods that I previously didn't like, to expand my options for healthier eating.
Currently I'm still riding high and feeling very excited, despite the fact that I haven't really done a lot of exercise since the pre-season started, the most I've done is the 2km walk/jog down at the athletics track. BUT what I HAVE done, is started to change my eating habits. I'm weighing out my snacks, I'm not constantly nibbling on something. Having breakfast everyday - yoghurt, muesli and strawberries. I finished the chocolate in the fridge, but where a row of 4 little blocks would usually be gone in a minute, I spread the last row over 2 days and then had one little piece in the afternoon and one late at night .. now the block is gone, NO MORE CHOCOLATE! I've still been drinking my V, but I'm aiming to cut that down too (It's soooooooo good though).
Next week my gym membership comes off hold, and also I start work, EEEP!! So crunch time is going to happen!!!
This weekend will be a bit of a splurge for me. I have my daughters 2nd Birthday tomorrow, so will have cake. But rather than a BIG BIG piece, I'll go much smaller. It's just so hard going cold turkey! I'm working on little steps at a time over the pre-season, to make it easier, but I guess I'm sort of making excuses too. Also I learned today that I actually like Honeydew Melon!!! I'm slowly aquiring better tastes, which is a good thing as I am generally a VERY VERY fussy eater. I basically never liked ANY vegetables, whereas now I can eat a fair few more than I used to. I loved watermelon back when I lived in Holland still, but as soon as we moved to Australia I just couldn't eat it anymore ... it took me 16 years to be able to eat it again! So I am making an improvement and I am trying my hardest to get myself to try new and different foods that I previously didn't like, to expand my options for healthier eating.
Thursday, 18 August 2011
Me to the core
So I realised I haven't really done a proper introduction to "Me". I'm not really sure what to write, but what I WILL write is basically my life story, although take in mind there will be details missing or I'd be talking forever. And really my life and what has gone on has shaped the way I think, how I act and how I do. So here goes :)
I moved to Australia with my family when I was 6 years old, from the Netherlands. Everything was very new - new people, new culture, new language. So many things to learn! Anyways adjusted to life relatively easily, being so young. Started school, made friends, etc. etc. I excelled in a number of things I did - swimming and definitely academically. Around the age of 8, my mother had developed full blown Fibromyalgia (a disease of the muscles and tissues which causes significant pain), which affected her day to day life and in the ended affected how we as kids (myself and my 2 older brothers) were able to interact with her on a physical level (mucking around, etc.). Then around the age of 10, we moved house, and I learned that my mother was mentally ill, illnesses which developed from her seeing a psychiatrist and having held so many things in over many many years. She had been diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder (also known as Dissociative Identity Disorder), had 13 different ones, each with different names and ages the youngest being 6 - now try to imagine interacting with your own mother that is acting like a 6 year old - very difficult!. She was also diagnosed with mild schizophrenia and Agoraphobia (fear of open places, crowds, lots of people, etc). Now from the age of 10-14, my mother had countless admissions into a mental hospital, and being so young it was very confusing for me. Also often Mum and Dad would be in their room talking and talking and then doing some more talking. I would definitely say I missed much interacting with my parents, compared to kids my own age. At the age of 14, my parents decided to divorce, not because they didn't love eachother, but it just became so physically draining on my father, the illness, and because of certain things it just couldn't happen anymore. I decided to move in with my mother, as I did not want her to be on her own (she self harmed and other things). AT 14 I had to grow up somewhat fast, I helped care for my mother. Most of the time she was herself and normal, but there were times where she had down moments. The hardest part was sometimes needing to 'mother' my own mother. I began to smoke and drink regularly. And didn't quite have that proper parental guidance. My father was there no doubt, telling my mother that she shouldn't be letting me do this stuff and yeah he yelled at me many times, but being a stubborn teenager it pushed me away. I was depressed - not that I knew it at the time, but I definitely wasn't coping with the separation of my parents.
I fell pregnant at 14 and gained 30kg through this pregnancy, and here many things began to get 'real'. I had some big decisions to make about my life and what was going to happen. I almost had an abortion, but from my upbringing I was against this and I found that there were other options available to me. My decision in the end was to finish High School. I changed schools, to one where there was a special program in place for young mothers to allow them to bring their child to school, whilst still studying. I went to school up until the day I was due and had my son 2 months before my 16th birthday. I took one term off school and then returned to my original highschool, as I felt the one with the parenting facilities was not for me (the curriculum was 'dumbed' down and I missed my friends and teachers). I was still living with my mother and my family was very supportive of everything I did, and the teachers at my school were also very supportive of my situation. Over the next 2 years, I managed to lose 20kg - for all the wrong reasons (those I stated in my first ever post), and I became depressed, anxious and stressed. I dropped out of school halfway through year 12, as I'd become so overwhelmed with mothering, studying, working and 'looking' after my mum. I took sometime to focus on the more important things and then the following year I repeated year 12 and finished high school!! My biggest goal was always to finish my education so I could get a decent job to support my child on my own.
Four months prior to my graduation, I had finally made the decision for myself to move out of my mothers house and move in with my father and my brother. It was probably one of the best decisions I made, and probably later than I should have. But anyways. One month following graduation and two weeks before Christmas 2006 (I was 18 at the time), I was to take my mum to the doctors (routine) and had forgotten. No phone call from her to ask where I was (she would usually call 5x a day). I rang her, no reply. So I got into my car, bought smokes (had a bad feeling and prepared myself somewhat) and got to her place. Dining table empty, coffee cup in the kitchen (not on the table as usual), ashtray clean. So I thought OK she's asleep. (By this stage along with D.I.D, fibro, schizophrenia, she also had sleep apnoea, diabetes type2 - developed from bad lifestyle and 40 pills a day(medications)). Went to see, and yes she looked it. But unfortunately I soon found out she had passed away in her sleep.
Having found her put me in a deep depression. And this point is probably where most of my weight problems developed. I stopped caring. I actually didn't eat much at all or I ate too much. Since then I have met my fiance (been together 4 years now), and being happy with him has allowed me to free myself up more, I also managed to study whilst having 2 children and completed my Bachelor of Nursing in May this year. I dealt with my depression and my issues from over the last 10 years. But it also opened up to emotional eating and lazy eating and boredom eating and happy eating and eating and eating and eating. I had my daughter when I was 21 (planned) and vowed not to gain through my pregnancy with her,but I did. And now I'm at 103kg, 40kg more than what I was at 15.
My whole life I have made excuses and decisions - many the wrong ones. I am responsible for my own actions (whilst some of it can be attributed to parents, as I said I missed details, the majority is my own blame). I've hidden away. I've always wondered 'maybe if I did this or done that, etc. etc.' but I know I cannot dwell on what has happened in the past but only focus on the here and now and the future. Now is the time to continue with the RIGHT decisions.
I moved to Australia with my family when I was 6 years old, from the Netherlands. Everything was very new - new people, new culture, new language. So many things to learn! Anyways adjusted to life relatively easily, being so young. Started school, made friends, etc. etc. I excelled in a number of things I did - swimming and definitely academically. Around the age of 8, my mother had developed full blown Fibromyalgia (a disease of the muscles and tissues which causes significant pain), which affected her day to day life and in the ended affected how we as kids (myself and my 2 older brothers) were able to interact with her on a physical level (mucking around, etc.). Then around the age of 10, we moved house, and I learned that my mother was mentally ill, illnesses which developed from her seeing a psychiatrist and having held so many things in over many many years. She had been diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder (also known as Dissociative Identity Disorder), had 13 different ones, each with different names and ages the youngest being 6 - now try to imagine interacting with your own mother that is acting like a 6 year old - very difficult!. She was also diagnosed with mild schizophrenia and Agoraphobia (fear of open places, crowds, lots of people, etc). Now from the age of 10-14, my mother had countless admissions into a mental hospital, and being so young it was very confusing for me. Also often Mum and Dad would be in their room talking and talking and then doing some more talking. I would definitely say I missed much interacting with my parents, compared to kids my own age. At the age of 14, my parents decided to divorce, not because they didn't love eachother, but it just became so physically draining on my father, the illness, and because of certain things it just couldn't happen anymore. I decided to move in with my mother, as I did not want her to be on her own (she self harmed and other things). AT 14 I had to grow up somewhat fast, I helped care for my mother. Most of the time she was herself and normal, but there were times where she had down moments. The hardest part was sometimes needing to 'mother' my own mother. I began to smoke and drink regularly. And didn't quite have that proper parental guidance. My father was there no doubt, telling my mother that she shouldn't be letting me do this stuff and yeah he yelled at me many times, but being a stubborn teenager it pushed me away. I was depressed - not that I knew it at the time, but I definitely wasn't coping with the separation of my parents.
I fell pregnant at 14 and gained 30kg through this pregnancy, and here many things began to get 'real'. I had some big decisions to make about my life and what was going to happen. I almost had an abortion, but from my upbringing I was against this and I found that there were other options available to me. My decision in the end was to finish High School. I changed schools, to one where there was a special program in place for young mothers to allow them to bring their child to school, whilst still studying. I went to school up until the day I was due and had my son 2 months before my 16th birthday. I took one term off school and then returned to my original highschool, as I felt the one with the parenting facilities was not for me (the curriculum was 'dumbed' down and I missed my friends and teachers). I was still living with my mother and my family was very supportive of everything I did, and the teachers at my school were also very supportive of my situation. Over the next 2 years, I managed to lose 20kg - for all the wrong reasons (those I stated in my first ever post), and I became depressed, anxious and stressed. I dropped out of school halfway through year 12, as I'd become so overwhelmed with mothering, studying, working and 'looking' after my mum. I took sometime to focus on the more important things and then the following year I repeated year 12 and finished high school!! My biggest goal was always to finish my education so I could get a decent job to support my child on my own.
Four months prior to my graduation, I had finally made the decision for myself to move out of my mothers house and move in with my father and my brother. It was probably one of the best decisions I made, and probably later than I should have. But anyways. One month following graduation and two weeks before Christmas 2006 (I was 18 at the time), I was to take my mum to the doctors (routine) and had forgotten. No phone call from her to ask where I was (she would usually call 5x a day). I rang her, no reply. So I got into my car, bought smokes (had a bad feeling and prepared myself somewhat) and got to her place. Dining table empty, coffee cup in the kitchen (not on the table as usual), ashtray clean. So I thought OK she's asleep. (By this stage along with D.I.D, fibro, schizophrenia, she also had sleep apnoea, diabetes type2 - developed from bad lifestyle and 40 pills a day(medications)). Went to see, and yes she looked it. But unfortunately I soon found out she had passed away in her sleep.
Having found her put me in a deep depression. And this point is probably where most of my weight problems developed. I stopped caring. I actually didn't eat much at all or I ate too much. Since then I have met my fiance (been together 4 years now), and being happy with him has allowed me to free myself up more, I also managed to study whilst having 2 children and completed my Bachelor of Nursing in May this year. I dealt with my depression and my issues from over the last 10 years. But it also opened up to emotional eating and lazy eating and boredom eating and happy eating and eating and eating and eating. I had my daughter when I was 21 (planned) and vowed not to gain through my pregnancy with her,but I did. And now I'm at 103kg, 40kg more than what I was at 15.
My whole life I have made excuses and decisions - many the wrong ones. I am responsible for my own actions (whilst some of it can be attributed to parents, as I said I missed details, the majority is my own blame). I've hidden away. I've always wondered 'maybe if I did this or done that, etc. etc.' but I know I cannot dwell on what has happened in the past but only focus on the here and now and the future. Now is the time to continue with the RIGHT decisions.
Excuses, excuses and more excuses.
Task 2 today was to write down a list of our excuses and separate them into Internal, External (controllable) and External (uncontrollable). My list is big no doubt, but actually writing them down, gosh do I feel silly. Really I'll make any excuse not to cook or exercise. Me and the other half will "argue" about who is going to cook, where time just goes by, neither of wants to cook so either it will end up being a sandwich for dinner or we'll go out and buy take-away. Now that sort of leads into another excuse - I can't afford the gym or a PT, yet I can afford take-away???!!! That makes a whole lot of sense doesn't it?
Michelle discussed in her video Analysis Paralysis , and it hit me ... that is EXACTLY what I do. I think and think and think and I say to myself "I'm gonna blah blah blah" ... or "I should blah blah blah", both followed by a "I'll do it later" and it just never happens - this has been me for the last 5-6 years. I think too far into the future. I need to start thinking about the now and just SMALL steps at a time!! Basically as the mantra goes "JUST F&%@ing DO IT!!!!"
My excuses are silly and pitiful, and it is no wonder the other half gets peeved off with me for constantly whinging and trying to help me by telling me to do something about it, and my response is generally "yeah, yeah, yeah, next week I'll start I promise" ... 2 weeks later still nothing. Seeing my before photos I see that I not only WANT to do this, but I NEED to do this. I want to be happy again within myself. I am my own worst enemy and as much as the other half has had enough of my excuses, I have had enough of my excuses. No more!! Time to start following through and get real.
Michelle discussed in her video Analysis Paralysis , and it hit me ... that is EXACTLY what I do. I think and think and think and I say to myself "I'm gonna blah blah blah" ... or "I should blah blah blah", both followed by a "I'll do it later" and it just never happens - this has been me for the last 5-6 years. I think too far into the future. I need to start thinking about the now and just SMALL steps at a time!! Basically as the mantra goes "JUST F&%@ing DO IT!!!!"
My excuses are silly and pitiful, and it is no wonder the other half gets peeved off with me for constantly whinging and trying to help me by telling me to do something about it, and my response is generally "yeah, yeah, yeah, next week I'll start I promise" ... 2 weeks later still nothing. Seeing my before photos I see that I not only WANT to do this, but I NEED to do this. I want to be happy again within myself. I am my own worst enemy and as much as the other half has had enough of my excuses, I have had enough of my excuses. No more!! Time to start following through and get real.
The result :(
My 'unofficial' before photos ... God I feel so vulnerable right now!
Measurements - unknown
Weight - 103kg ... 2kg less than my heaviest.
Time to say goodbye to this forever!
Measurements - unknown
Weight - 103kg ... 2kg less than my heaviest.
Time to say goodbye to this forever!
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