what happened to me?

Week 2 has been a struggle ... I don't know why ... I can honestly not give you an exact answer, why I have basically done nothing (mostly in terms of exercise), except for Monday when I was sick. Exhaustion? Lack of planning? Motivation? I'm not happy about it and have no excuse for it. I want to succeed, so why am I sabotaging?

I did find that after week one I was sore and exhausted, not really so much from the exercise, but working. It was the first busy week I had at work, and now that I am a Registered Nurse and no longer a student nurse, I am coming to see how truly exhausting and draining the work can be, especially because responsibilities are increased 10 fold. So maybe I've just spent week 2, winding down? I know what I'm doing here ... I'm trying to justify to myself and everyone else as to why I haven't exercised and my food has been OK but not at the standard it should be. It's an excuse. And really I need to get my act together if I want to succeed. But right now I just can't find that push within myself to drag myself to the gym or outside for a walk/run. Help me find it!!!

Now I got the pen and paper out and re-planning. Planning each meal - mixing around things I do/don't like. Making sure I pack that bloody gym back. I've also decided that rather than doing shopping on Thursday when the new shopping list comes out, I think it may be better to do it on Saturday or Sunday, that way I don't end up wasting food that is meant to be used later in the week, because it's gone off. Currently I think there's maybe $10-20 worth of food in my fridge that I can probably chuck out, not only because my diet hasn't been optimal this week, but also because I bought them too early. The biggest one is any form of leaf - spinach, rocket, lettuce, etc. I guess with the food and shopping, it's a bit of a play around, that maybe somethings need to be bought at different times in the week in order for them to be at their freshest, and not to overstock or understock. Though understocking would be better, as can always go out and buy more.

Either way I need to have a kick up the bum and get back into this, otherwise I'm not only wasting my time, I'm wasting Mish's time, my money, and just cheating myself.

just like a golden rough

This first week has been pretty good, with some rough patches. Day 1 started off well, apart from I didn't get my workout in. I was all ready and dressed for the gym, and then poor hubby was really really sick, vomiting, so was unable to watch the kids and I had to look after him too. The next few days went well, I ate good, went to work and did my workouts and managed to burn 500+ calories each day.
My first boxing session after 4 months of no gym was VERY intense. And I believe I may have over done it, as I had to lay down 10mins before the end of the class as I felt I was going to pass out, and ripped off my heart rate monitor @ 490cals burnt, as it was feeling tight around my chest.
V is still a big problem for me ... I'm addicted, and it's hard to go cold turkey. It was easier for me to quit SMOKING .. how sad is that? Although I have cut down a bit. The weekend treat meal, I chose bad as well ... went for KFC .. it was an overindulgence treat and I felt like crap after eating it, so next time I'm going to go for subway or sushi, just something that doesn't make me feel like crap. Good choices! Get it stuck in my head!!!
Week 2 day one is today, and it's off to a bad start. I woke up started getting ready for work, and I just felt like absolute crap, feeling exhausted and felt like I was going to vomit. I haven't vomited ... but have spent a decent amount of time running to the toilet for other business (sorry TMI). Slept a lot of today too, and just can't bring myself to eat anything. Had a protein shake and two slices of vienna bread with ham, which was hard to stomach. So I won't be working out today either, just don't feel like I can handle it. But tomorrow, pending how I feel I'm getting straight back into it, and keeping my plan on track.

I've let myself down.

The second time I've taken these photos, and I'm not any happier, well why would I be? I've only lost 2kg since the last ones I took. I feel completely unattractive, and I don't see how my fiance could find me beautiful or attractive. I have a bajillion stretch marks (pregnancy related), multiple flabby areas and a muffin top something chronic. I know I'm the one to blame. But now I'm getting fear thoughts into my head. Afraid that I won't be able to do this, that I'll keep eating the same crap I do, that I won't have the self-control/discipline to stick to the program. The other half is supportive, no doubt about that, but I've just self sabotaged so many times, that I'm afraid I'll do it again. I think I'm just having some last minute jitters before the program officially starts tomorrow.
Went to Underwater World with the kids yesterday, and had a photo taken with them ... I hate it. I can't even stand to look at it, it's just plain embarrassing.

Whilst I do have these sudden fears and self-doubts in my mind, the photos have given me a kick up the bum. I don't want to fear going out because of the way I currently look, I want to look and feel good and that means working for it. Sitting on my arse (excuse the language), isn't going to do jack.

On another note ... the fridge is stocked with yummy healthy foods, and I've completed my fitness test. The result? I've just managed to get into the intermediate category. And I mean JUST! So I now have a new goal. This goal is to be comfortably and well into the intermediate category by the time the 4 week fitness test comes around.

Task #8 / Week 1

Been a busy week with work orientation, and also due to not having all the required materials, I haven't yet completed task #8, but will have by the end of the weekend. I'm buying some new scales, pretty Tanita ones, and following that will take all my measurements, as well as new before photos.

Fitness test completed last night, and I'm only JUST on an intermediate level, although I know that after a week of exercise and getting back into it, I will be sitting there comfortably.

Shopping for week 1 is also done! Expensive, but it looked really healthy! Will also be trying some new things for the first time, scary stuff! Went to make a banana smoothie this morning, only to find that I have no idea where the lid to my blender is :( *Cries*, so for me it's an excuse to buy a NEW glass blender hehe (at least it's a GOOD excuse not a BAD one!!

Only one more week to go!!!!

So woke up this morning to find Task #7 available to us. To "Organise and Diarise". Getting pretty exciting now!! Only one more week to go until the official round kicks off! Whilst I haven't exercised much over the last 3 weeks, I do fully intend and commit to beginning my 6 days a week exercise regime once the round kicks off. Also in this last week I have a couple of 'red flag' days, Father's Day x3 (my fiance, my Dad and my fiance's Dad), my fiance's birthday, his PoP's birthday, and then visiting his family up the Sunshine Coast, which we always drink at, but it's been about a year since we've been there, and I rarely drink anymore anyways (is that an excuse I hear?!)
I'm enjoying shopping now. I love seeing the trolley full of healthy stuff when reaching the till, rather than seeing nothing but processed, packaged crap/junk. It makes me feel good and look forward to cooking!
Planning will be somewhat difficult for me, especially as I am a shift worker. My roster is received fortnightly, unlike most other staff within my workplace, who receive theirs monthly. But it's OK, I can work with that. Basically my planning will consist of exercising in morning before work/after dropping kids off or in the afternoon after work/before picking kids up or if pushed for time, my fiance can pick up the kids and I'll go for my workout, but I intend not to miss a single one! Also we'll be able to plan who cooks when (we generally take turns as we both don't like cooking), and plan a big cookout day for preparing frozen meals for during the week and what not. So yeh I have the plan in my head so far, in how I HOPE it is going to work out, now just hoping it works out like this realistically and I guess that is where the diary comes in. Biggest thing will be planning around sudden changes, as they do happen.
Well I'm excited, and got my diary out to start planning! YAY! Oh AND I'm also doing my registration for the Rio Tinto Ride to Conquer Cancer this week, to join my buddy Alysha on her team next year! Can't wait!!